Losing my virginity

I was a 32 year old boy spending the night at my aunt and uncle's farm. It was a windy night and I was flying a kite. I noticed a really big, pyramid shaped piece of cow pie about 10 feet to my right. I thought it was so cool that I let my kite fly away so I could go and play with it. I was more imaginative when playing with this piece of shit more so than I usually was when I'd find something on the ground. I was really turned on my the smell and texture of this treasure which I found. So I pulled my pants down and spread it around. My hot dog got bigger and more stiff. I was going to go back to the guest room for some privacy, but I heard some animal sounds in Hoss and Edna's room. I wondered if they brought some of the horses, dogs, cats, fish, and rodents in to play around with them. I wandered in, and realized it was much deeper and exciting than that. There were no animals in the room, just the three of us.

Edna: Hoss, look's like our nice little nephew has come into join us.

Hoss: Well look at that. He's well prepared with that shit smeared all over his groin.

Terry: I guess this will be my first time.

Edna: Oh don't worry Terry. There's a first time for everything.

Hoss: Edna, I don't know if he blocked out that part of his childhood ---

Terry: Huh?

Edna: Shhh! Terry, come crawl into your aunt and uncle's bed...

And so that's what I did. It was one of the best night's of my life. As I joined my aunt and uncle to make some whoopie, there were even more animal sounds being made. Ducks, chickens, geece, madagascar hissing cockroaches, ants, bees, maggots, flies, aliens, chinese people, black people, and creatures we didn't even know that existed until that night. It was a long night of great sex, and I thank God for that. It felt great to wake up late in the morning to see my aunt Edna with a shit mustache on her good old southern looking face.

The second time I had sex

I was a 33 year old man walking home one night from a business meeting. It was a chilly night outside, I had my business suit and a briefcase. I wasn't dressed well enough. I wanted some kind of snack that would warm me up until I got home. I walked by a dumpster which was nestled between two decaying buildings. I heard a baby crying, so I walked into the alley to see what was going on. There didn't seem to be any people around. I saw a mouse nibbling at a piece of cheese in the corner, that wasn't it. I opened up the top of the dumpster and I saw a lovely looking white baby sitting on top of a black garbage bag. My heart immediately filled up with joy, and my eyes watered with sadness.

Who would do such a thing to a poor, defenseless baby? I figured that it must have been for a good reason. Maybe the baby was brought into this world from a poor woman out of wedlock. Maybe there was something seriously wrong with the baby and it wasn't meant to live. I didn't even check to see if the baby was male or female. I pulled down my pants to try and make some use out of the baby. You know...

After I was done doing my business with the abandoned baby who was treated like a piece of trash by it's negligent parents, I placed it nicely back into the dumpster. I closed the lid and it started crying even harder than when I first found it. I hoped that the parents or someone who wanted to raise a child would come into the alley and end up finding it. I didn't call the police or anything because they might have assumed I had something to do with it being in there.

I noticed a green button on brick wall next to the dumpster. I am a curious man who has done a lot of stupid things because of my curiousity, and I regret how many people and things have been hurt because of this. I've wondered before if there was a God or not, and what I didn't realize at the time was that this baby was going to find out. I pressed the green button, and I was like Oh shit, I just turned on the trash compactor. I have never heard such loud screaming in my entire life. The poor baby's screams listed for about 20 seconds, and then it suddenly stopped.

I picked up my suitcase and casually walked out of the alley. The smog which was in the air at the time seemed more potent than usual, even though I knew it was the same as usual. My senses were more acute, I could have noticed the sound of a leaky faucet over 5 blocks away from me. I walked by some lost old man and I even saw the hairs on the back of his head stand up. A police car drove by me and my sixth sense told me they knew I was up to something. I could tell by their radio conversation they were anxiously on their way to catch a shoplifter. As I continued to walk back home in the foggy night of the ghost town I lived in, a storm suddenly built up. I heard thunder roar from the sky, and right after I walked into my house and closed the door, it started pouring rain. Everything in my house seemed perfect that night. Whenever I picked up an object such as the remote for the TV, it almost seemed to have a magnetic effect. I wanted my cat to come into the living room and be with me; moments later, it did. I wanted to watch Bill O'Reilly, and his show started right when I turned the TV on. He just so happened to talk about everything I would ever want him to talk about, while keeping me surprised and interested.

I don't even remember walking into my room that night to go to bed, but I woke up in the morning to a bird chirping. The weather outside was perfect - 68 degrees and clear skies. The air was crisp and clean. Everyone's lawn was manacured. It was a perfect day that day, just like the night before was a perfect night (after the incident.)

All things KIDS!

As an avid child hobbyist, I thought I'd remind you parents of young children out there of stuff your kid can get into.

There are child models and photo contests for your kid.

Would you just love to see your kid compete with other kids on the runway? This is an example of something like that.Submit your kid's photo, and your kid will be part of a great collection of child beauty.

Your kid needs to be physically active

as if you didn't already know. Your kid will like the way you parented them better if he thinks highly of him or herself. Athletic kids are more popular in school. Don't raise an underdog.Get your kid active.

The time to raise your kid great is now. Your parenting plan needs to be right.

You are writing your kids history as you read this. Nobody has more influence on your kid than you, the parent. I don't have any kids, but I am a child hobbyist and I have enough common sense to know. This is a guide for your toddler if you have one.

Raise healthy kids, not crappy ones.

Well that's a little common sense for you parents out there with young kids. Here in Appalachia a post like this is probably useful for many parents, maybe not so much in other parts of the country.

If you still don't get it, maybe you should take a parenting class!

Counting my blessings, Recalling some memories

I live in a pretty diverse area in Appalachia. It is a lot better than the neighborhood I grew up in; as I said in a previous blog post, I grew up in an a gay-majority neighborhood in which I was openly straight. I still have emotional scars from the way that people would treat me, especially when the popular jocks would fondle me and harass me. One day I thought I was going to walk home after school, and John, the lead quarterback from the football team grabbed the back of my shirt and pulled me into the boy's locker room. He punched me in the face several times, and this broke the glasses that I was wearing. Then some other football players came in and they gang raped me. I won't forget his gritty demeanor and his horrible body odor which reminded me of rotting fish. He had red hair and freckles, he was able to get any guy he wanted.

This was probably one of the only all gay neighborhoods in Appalachia, since its a pretty conservative part of the USA. I'm glad that is in the distant past. I am happy with my life now, and its a blessing that I got out of that community shortly after I turned 18.

I live in an all white, low class neighborhood. The crime rate is high, and meth usage is too common where I live. I love my new job as a full time babysitter, and children are my favorite hobby. Halloween is my favorite holiday. This recent Halloween is the 10 year anniversary of a heinous crime which took place. There was a black family who went trick or treating right on my street. They must have taken a wrong turn or were on drugs to make such a horrible decision. I noticed them trick or treating and I shared this information in a conversation with Butch, the butcher at our local grocer. Butch happens to have burn marks on about 50% of his body because of an accident he had as a child. Within minutes after I was talking to Butch, I went into the back of the parking lot to have a smoke before heading home with my groceries. I heard the sound of something electric, it sounded like a bus at first. I thought nothing of it until I started to hear screams. I could tell by the sound of the terrified voices that it was the black family screaming at the top of their lungs.

I couldn't think of anything I could do to save this black family which I knew was probably being mangled into pieces. I tried to listen closely to which direction it was coming from, as I was having my smoke. The screaming was over with in a minute, and so I headed home with my groceries as I normally did. I couldn't stop thinking about the murder of a family as I was eating my porterhouse steak, it was such a bizarre thing to occur even for a rough neighborhood.

At the time I did volunteer work for the police station to sweep the sidewalks, clean the bathrooms, make coffee, etc. I went into the police station for my volunteer work as I normally did on Sunday mornings. Ron, the police chief and myself have been good friends for about 20 years. He is a transvestite, and he wears makeup and women's clothes even when he is on the job. Other than his cross dressing, he is quite masculine and he has a deep voice. He lifts weights regularly and has a meat and potatoes diet. We both have a lot of empathy when it comes to gender stuff since I myself am transgendered. I walked into Ron's office and he was looking at a little mirror as he was putting on his lipstick. We both had nice, friendly smiles on our faces.

Me: "I heard the heinous crime happen last night, but I didn't know what to do about it. I couldn't tell which direction it was coming from."

Ron: "Oh, don't worry Terry. It happens. I don't think there is enough evidence to convict the perpetrator anyways. All I know is it was some wacko with a chainsaw who did this. Its a shame that family was destined to die just because they were black."

Me: "Yeah, he's probably off to a different part of the country now. Its a nice, sunny day out is it not. This was a cool Halloween, people had neat costumes."

Ron: "I liked the ghost costumes the most. People around here still use good old bed sheets for that. Butch would like to have us over at his place tonight. He has a really tasty set of chops for us to munch on as we watch football."

Me: "Excellent...."

My mouth was watering as I thought about the delicious meal I had that same night. It was the best meal I ever had. The slabs of meat were raw, and they were so good that I didn't remember anything about the football game. Butch didn't even tell us what kind of beast it came from. That's not important now, is it? As long as it tastes good.

New job

I just accomplished something new... I am now a full time babysitter! I've opened up a daycare center inside of my home. I do most of the babysitting myself but sometimes my friends chip in when I'm busy with other stuff to earn some extra cash. I live in a crummy house and neighborhood so I've made some adjustments for the kids to have some space of their own - I bought the abandoned trailer next door and I claimed it as a place for the kids to play. This former neighbor of mine was a hardcore meth addict and dealer, I had to inspect it and clean the place up really well to make it suitable for children. I'll plan on putting up pictures of this soon.

In the ads I post in the newspaper etc I specifically indicate that I want to babysit girls. I LOVE babysitting girls, I usually pamper the girls while I make the boys do chores around my house. I love to babysit little girls and its a deep pleasure of mine to be a part of their development.

Sometimes I even pick them up from their schools and bring them home on my own time, and I expect no money in return for that! I've also taken them for little adventures in which I don't expect any pay from parents. Children are definitely one of my favorite hobbies.

Even though I'm in my late 50's already, I still expect to learn another trade at some point. I'd like to become a mortician, and I want to specialize in children younger than 13 years of age. I think its a tragedy when a child dies since they have their whole lives ahead of them, more so than anybody else. Somebody has to fix them up for their funeral, and as a child hobbyist I want to take a brave stance on this and help out with this. I am so into children that I think it would be cowardly of me NOT to seek out an opportunity like this (I'm only speaking for myself, these are just my values).

When I get my degree in mortuary science, I plan on buying up some more land in my neighborhood and I'll own a funeral home as well as a cemetery. Then I'll have two businesses as well as two trades at once - Funeral home and Daycare center, Mortician and Babysitter! God bless America, everyone has the right to freedom and happiness.

is it weird for a klansman to have fantasies about the Kardashians?

I am a proud member of the KKK however I have sexual fantasies about the three girls. Is this normal for a redneck such as myself. I should see a therapist, shouldn't I? preferably a highly republican therapist to try and solve this problem. what do you think I should do about this. write your comments.

Are your passions the result of your ego?

this is very common among people. some people move to places like New York just so they can feel all classy. someone might become a cop just to be in control. and some people might even buy apartment buildings to be a landlord, thinking they'll receive some worship.

my suggestion is just be yourself, don't worry about what others think.

my ego drove me into trying to open up an abortion clinic about 10 years ago. I thought abortion was cool and I still think so today. but does that mean its worth it for me to open up a clinic? I had more important things to look at in life, and besides I'm no doctor, I didn't do my homework before I went to the bank to try and fund this. they didn't approve me and they told me to get laid after I told them about my dreams.

I watch videos of real abortions and it gives me lots of pleasure. in fact I may never need to use viagra but...

well you get the point. be yourself, don't try and impress others all the time, and always remember not winning doesn't make you a loser.

About vomit

Vomit is gross, most people would agree with this. My question for the general public is this-

Is it any more or less gross if it comes from
- an old person
- a baby
- an animal
- a really attractive person
- your worst enemy
- family members
- someone of a different race vs the same race

Think about that and write a comment if you would. Consider the same thing for other bodily fluids as well.

Heterophobia hurts

I've got something to share with you that may surprise you a lot. 

I have two dads, and they are still married. I don't have a mom. I grew up in an overwhelmingly gay neighborhood. Most people of both genders and all age groups were gay / lesbian. 

I thought that it would easily be safe to come out of the closet as straight, since most people in America as well as the entire world are straight. It was not pleasant. I came out as straight at the age of 16, to my family as well as to my friends and other peers. It was within a few days of the whole coming out process that jocks were picking on me, giving me wedgies, and you can imagine what else. 

My dad tried to force me to watch gay porn (which was illegal). I didn't listen, and I have scars on my body to this day from the abuse I put up with from coming out as straight.

You might be used to hearing about gays being picked on for their sexual orientation. But there is a dark, hypocritical side to homosexuality which you probably weren't aware of. Spread the word.

Peace,

I will DJ any kind of wedding

Stop the hate

I'm sort of tired of DJ'ing weddings. At the same time I'm hearing about the abuse and humiliation of GLBT youth. its 2010 no one has the right to bully just because of sexual orientation that's so socially backwards.

So I'm going to start a support group inside of my basement. I'm non-profit, money is nice but commercialization is a turn off when it comes to things like this. Gay, lesbian ,bisexual, transgendered youngsters can meet in my basement to connect with each other, share experiences, and overall support. I will be the group leader, I've got good people skills (I think) and I'm skilled at talking to people of all different backgrounds.

I myself identify as a straight man but that doesn't mean I have some less common or off the wall preference. Live and let live, we live in a huge world of many different sexual orientations and preferences don't be mean to someone because they're different from you.

There is a girl who lives in my neighborhood who didn't fit in comfortably with her age group. She is 17 years old. She admired elderly ladies, their looks, the stories they told, etc. So she pursued Age Change Therapy. That would be kind of like a sex change, only it involves taking pills to age your body rapidly rather than transition into the opposite sex. I watched this girl become the old lady who she truly was, and it broke her family members hearts. "I'm being me", she said in a croaky old voice near the end of her transition. It touched my heart. She now has the body and mannerisms of a 70 year old woman. Of course many bullies have been after her over this decision, but she can usually defend herself with mace and she carries a whistle to blow for help. I've even cracked some of the bullies heads open myself.

This will be more volunteer work to take up my time, but it should be fine because I really enjoy keeping busy. I don't really have close friends (except for animals) so it shouldn't be too bad.

Some other volunteer work I do includes being a coach for the Special Olympics, washing dishes at an old folks home, and I'm a janitor at the national headquarters for the Aryan Nations and Ku Klux Klan. (those guys have the best bar b ques and I make it to those every time!)

What's up y'all?

Many of you readers might recognize me as the king of yahoo answers (I practically live on Y!A). I DJ Weddings as a side job, and my main job is usually lawn care during the warm months of the year. During the cold and snowy months, I'm usually out panhandling for a living. I always appreciate generous donations from people who actually care about people like me who are too lazy to get a job. However this is only during late fall and winter since there is lawn care to do during the nice weather.

I love animals. I have an 90 year old uncle who still runs a farm at his ripe old age. I love to visit the farm there from time to time and sleep in the barn with the big, powerful animals. I've had dreams of them coming after all of the people who used to pick on me during my school years and ripping their bodies into shreds. Big is beautiful, and I'd like to visit the samoan islands someday and practice polygamy. My uncle says I've been visiting a little too much lately, and he's charging me rent if I want to stay any more than 2 nights a month. I can reason with that.

Just introducing myself have a nice day.