this is very common among people. some people move to places like New York just so they can feel all classy. someone might become a cop just to be in control. and some people might even buy apartment buildings to be a landlord, thinking they'll receive some worship.
my suggestion is just be yourself, don't worry about what others think.
my ego drove me into trying to open up an abortion clinic about 10 years ago. I thought abortion was cool and I still think so today. but does that mean its worth it for me to open up a clinic? I had more important things to look at in life, and besides I'm no doctor, I didn't do my homework before I went to the bank to try and fund this. they didn't approve me and they told me to get laid after I told them about my dreams.
I watch videos of real abortions and it gives me lots of pleasure. in fact I may never need to use viagra but...
well you get the point. be yourself, don't try and impress others all the time, and always remember not winning doesn't make you a loser.
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